Importance of Complete Deference

This article is about a husband feeling commitment when a wife submits.  It is a good reminder to me to submit and defer in front of the children especially.
 
I feel encouragement and give encouragement to not only others but mostly to my husband and let him know and feel commitment when I support to him.  Sometimes it has been hard for me to let my husband know and feel commitment and has been hard for me to defer.  But when I submit, that is when he is most encouraged.  It is rightly so for anyone to interpret this kind of support as commitment.  Feeling commitment is so important in the heart of a husband, which would result in the husband’s heart completely trusting in his wife, a description of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 and wise goal of any modern day woman.  If our husband’s hearts completely trust in us, a result of our commitment, what results is mutual teamwork that makes for a marriage of value and quality, what our society needs desperately. 

Anything Helpful

I really appreciate this perspective.  It is good to keep busy, busy helping your man, your children... with doing anything that is helpful to them... dishes, being patient with their interruptions and loving toward them... reading books to them, building Legos with them...

          
 
            Sometimes it is good to keep busy.  If I feel so overwhelmed with all the stuff to accomplish that by my response to it, others are burdened, I need to change my perspective.

            Having my daughter and knowing children like songs, I looked up on you-tube some old fun children’s songs from “Salty the Singing Songbook” whose music I used to listen to as a child.  There was a song I came across that I remembered and that I really liked the tune to.  The lyrics are really nice as well and are a good source to support the message in this entry.  The song is “How I Want to Be, Lord, Just Like You.”  A couple phrases of the lyrics are “How I Want to be, Lord, just like You… And all the good things that I want to do” and “when You give You peace and You share Your joy, and You show Your love, oh Lord, how I want to be like You.”

            If I change my perspective from thinking all the stuff I have to do is a burden, burdening others with a stressful attitude, to thinking of them as good things I’m doing to help me be like Jesus, I will look forward to each task with a smile.  I will know that by it, I am “singing” to Jesus, how I want to be like Him, and sometimes I really have sung it when I do my work. 

            Other times, it’s not good to be busy, and those times are being with family and on the day of rest.  But those are good things to do, too.

Eliminating Spreading Yourself Too Thin

I wrote this some time ago, an entry called "Making the house more livable."  I read it, and realized I was just this morning going through emails and deleting and unsubscribing.  It just eliminates distractions and eliminates spreading myself too thin.  Really true!

            I really feel that if I make my house more livable, the things I want to accomplish for my man, I will be able to accomplish more easily.  If I can accomplish them more easily, I can accomplish them more quickly and with just about zero frustration!  So, over two weeks ago, I began the mission.  I had a tentative goal by the end of that week to make our house more livable—the places for the items I use in the kitchen to be in places so that when they are needed, they can be grabbed easily.  I moved items around in the cupboard in the bathroom, so that the items used daily there are more accessible.  I organized the clothes in our closet so that locating what should be worn on a day is not frustrating!  I organized our diaper changing station, clearing the clutter out of that zone.

            By the end of last week, things were more organized (the house was more livable).  I wanted to post this a time ago but didn’t feel it (or me!) was ready!  A spot that is supposed to be normally very useful was not because of clutter.  Well, I have since, moved these items into a bag, and I plan to go through them and organize.

I am happy to make the house more livable because I see that it is staying within God’s favor.  God says in His Word in Ephesians 5:16 to redeem the time and that can be done easily when the house is more organized.  I feel that clearing out the clutter of what could slow me down is dedicating my house and life to serving my family.  I have thrown recently, a project that I began before I was married, a project which would take an extreme amount of dedication, and I am planning to give the time I had for the project to serving my family instead!  I hope that you are encouraged to dedicate more of yourself to your man! 

Reminder Not to be Prideful

The following is the blog entry I wrote a little over 3 years ago.  I had called it "Empowerment."
 
My husband and I just had a baby about a month ago.  There seems to be a healthy kind of empowerment that comes to a woman for giving birth.  It has been said by a mother describing it after giving birth: “You feel like you can do anything.”  Then there’s the unhealthy kind of empowerment where a mother will nag the father or go to extremes in telling him what to do, almost being the head of the house.  The “anything” described by the woman above should be good things, godly things…like the empowerment to love the child, and love the husband more than ever.

Something that keeps the unhealthy empowerment from building is the mother’s ability to overlook or ignore what could build pride, such as all the work she did in labor.  When you do something good, it is better to see it as something overlooked, rather than to keep thinking about how wonderful it was what you did.  If you can overlook it, it calms down your pride and is quite freeing from the unhealthy type of empowerment.

A mother after giving birth who can still think of others beyond herself is a valuable lady.  It is quite unselfish of her to think of her husband, who didn’t do the birth labor and who didn’t have the amazing experience from pregnancy to birth in a day or however long the labor is.  It is easy to overlook all others when pride could sneak in after a great accomplishment.  But something that could help you in your relationship with your husband in such a situation is to imagine switching the roles for a minute but in a different situation that can be used to understand.  You have a normal week.  You do the things you normally do on each day.  Your husband has a normal week, too.  He has been busy…but one of those days, he has a chance to go to the gym after work or spend time on your family’s exercise machine for a good hour.  He is so proud of his worked up muscles and wants you to say something about it.  How it is for a husband after the wife goes through labor is the normal week as far as she went through the labor, but he didn’t.  You can put yourself in your husband’s shoes about your labor experiences.  Do not expect him to almost “put you on a pedestal” for your amazing work… and you can keep from expecting it by realizing it’s easy to overlook.  Realize that the pride and what could lead to negative empowerment could be overlooked if you just think about others.  

And my update:

This concept has taken us well over the just over three years.  The baby who was born then is going to be four (wow) this July.  I've thought over the concept, trying not to be prideful in the labor I've done.  If I can not be prideful, life does so well for me.  And just reminding myself that my husband will always remember the cheerful person that I was before I became his wife, before I gave birth.  (It's not obsolete.  I like to show that part of myself to him...)  

Helping Your Husband By Being Positive

I am "updating" my entry titled "What a Husband Needs Help With."  Here's the original post on the matter.

There are many things a husband needs a wife for, needs help with.  The most important reason and goal behind doing all these things that a wife should have as a motive is thinking about him.  A husband needs a wife to keep his house clean, cook his meals well, keep a budget, and take care of his health.  Keeping a house clean is easy when I use the guide I placed on the fridge next to the menu planner.  I feel I can accomplish what needs to be accomplished at a manageable, non-overbearing pace.  I have wanted to cook better lately, and I know whatever it takes to gather recipes and record the needed items on a grocery shopping list can be done.  Before I was married, I had educational training from a couple different sources on budgeting.  I have desired for a while in our marriage to put the teaching into practice.  Slowly, some things are coming together which are allowing me to come along beside him in this way.  While it is in the process of coming together, I have a handy file folder where I have designated a place for receipts gathered after items are purchased for the current month.  Taking care of my husband’s health is a joy, as I feel it is one of the top ways to love him, wanting him to live a good, long life.


Update: 
Wow, I really don't know why I didn't "tie in" more spiritually on this topic.  No matter what I was thinking when I wrote that post, I do now think that joy and positivity is what a husband needs help with, or rather better said "How a wife can help her husband most."  Things have changed quite a bit in our marriage since I wrote that entry.  I am not saying any kind of change like from good to bad or bad to good, only changed.  What has changed is I have not lived up 100% to being a perfect housekeeper, cook, financial manager.  I have observed my husband's response to the shortcoming that he is quite gracious.
So true, and so true: a husband appreciates it most when his wife is positive.  I know it is possible to be a bad cook and still be positive, not good with keeping track of finances and still be positive, not good with keeping a clean house and still be positive.  It is much easier to slip and be negative in my words than to slip and be a bad cook, bad housekeeper, bad financial manager.  It is okay to feel badly for not being a good cook, good housekeeper, and a good financial manager.  I really don't have to feel so bad about if I can't keep up to being a great cook, housekeeper, etc., on a day.  But seriously and sincerely it is much better to feel badly for not being joyful and not being positive.   

Great Reminder

A post I published from a few years ago is titled "Submission and Comfort," and it is pasted below.

"When a wife submits to her husband, there is a peace that comes. I was sitting on the front right of a vehicle with a good friend one time, parked in her driveway, about to go shopping. This was before I was married, and I look back and see how truly peaceful this experience was. She rolled down her window (she was on the driver’s side), and her husband talked to her. He was being firm, but kind and loving and telling her that she should be careful on some specific road or intersection. She responded so kindly and sweetly and gratefully to him that I felt a comforting peace. That submission that I had seen I had really liked, and I want to imitate that for my marriage so that those observing can be peaceful and blessed. During the week that I was considering this topic for an entry and as the example of this couple was 'floating around' in my mind to use to explain the peace from comfort and submission, I was about to head out the front door of my husband’s and my house. It was neat to practice the submission after he told me to be careful and drive safely, simply those words. I told him gratefully that I would, and we parted company in peace, me beginning to wonder who else in our future could see this example now practiced and feel peace, comfort, safety, and blessing. :)"

Here is my new entry on the matter: 

This is a good reminder to me as I read the above entry.  How I need to soak up the message and keep reminding myself of it and live it out!  How much peace, how much peace... and I actually have not lost the submission (and others have not lost the resulting peace) completely... gratefully when I have not thoroughly and peacefully and obediently and successfully submitted, I have received forgiveness and God has given grace to those around, and God has restored.  Praise His Healing Name.