As You Cook You Clean

The Post "A Handy Habit" is what I will be updating now

Here is "A Handy Habit."

            As a wife, I know that dinner takes longer than the most enjoyable part (eating).  Dinner preparation and the clean-up is also part of the meal!  I like washing and drying the dishes and putting them in their places, but I like preparing the meal more and enjoy far more eating the meal with my husband!  Here is how I found a handy habit to cut down on the mundane dish-washing task and to help make dinner time with my husband more enjoyable.

After I was married, I was visiting a friend of mine who was also married.  I asked about her dish-washing habits, to which she answered that she washed them as she goes.  The simple motive behind this, to not have such a big mess at the end of the day or at the end of the meal, was enough to get me to want to do the same!  I tried, and it was a little hard to adapt for myself, until I implemented my personal idea with it.  

My way I added is to actually fill the sink about a fourth or third full with hot water and a squirt of dish soap as soon as I come into the kitchen, before beginning any food preparation.  It makes the idea of having to wash one dish at a time after they are used easier, as the water is right there and ready.  I have done these “water in the sink” and “wash dishes as you do” ideas for several days now, and dinner has been much more enjoyable with my husband.  “Dishes” is not just something that is dragging in the back of my mind during dinner, making after-dinner thoughts drudgery.  I want to continue this habit!  


My ideas for the dish-washing habit is all the more "cemented" to wash and clean as you go, and this is so supported and encouraged by my wonderful husband.  I am so grateful for his support in so many ways!  Imagine the wives who have to cook, clean, impress, and resolve problems all alone!  Not me.  My husband is very involved.  My encouragement is that for those wives who might feel that they "do everything" and "don't get any help" is to involve your husband!  A good first step if you already have the reputation with your husband to be complaining and bitter and you want to change and have and feel peace on this matter is to ask his advice kindly.  Only when you get over your complaining and bitterness and your husband knows it then it actually is okay to ask politely (say please), for help.  It is not only okay to ask.  God says to ask and it will be given you.  Matthew 7:7. 

This Matters the Most- Guest Entry!

I have been updating post blog entries with present perspective.  I would describe the perspective as "mature," since maturity comes with experience.  The friend who re-wrote the entry "What Matters the Most" has been married to her husband a similar length of time as I have been married to mine, as we were married the same year.  I know she's got lots of wisdom.

Here was her entry "What Matters the Most."  (I am calling her updated entry "This Matters the Most.")

When I was younger, there was a family friend that really inspired me to be a loving and devoted wife to the man I would someday marry. One of the things she did that made a deep impression on me was, every day, just before her husband was supposed to get home from work, she would put on a clean apron, fix her hair, and make sure that her little boys were clean and ready to greet their daddy. She treated him like a king, and he, in turn, loved her and treated her like a queen.

Now that I have a wonderful husband of my own I’ve been thinking a lot about how to show him love and honor, and it occurred to me that each husband is unique and values different things. While there are definitely some basic ways that show honor to every man, my husband, and every husband out there, has specific things that are meaningful to him, and other things that don’t really make much difference to him one way or the other.

I was visiting with one of my friends about this subject, and we both decided to specifically ask our husbands what mattered the most to them when they walked in the door from a long day at work.  Since then, I have asked a few other friends for some feedback on the same question, and these are some of the different ideas our husbands gave us: A clean and tidy house, a special kiss, just being there to greet him and welcome him home, and a tasty dinner coming up.

These are just a few ideas – the important thing, I think, is to find out what your husband values, and then do your best to give that to him lovingly and respectfully.

Here's her updated entry:

In keeping with the theme of updating past blog entries,  I have been invited to update the entry I wrote titled "What matters the most".  In all honesty,  reading that again now a few years after I wrote it,  it was a little bit convicting to me.  I guess I have lost a bit of my focus on trying to make my husband's homecoming a peaceful and anticipated event, but I would definitely like to get back into that habit. 

However,  in light of the title "what matters the most"  and the topic,  relating to our husbands,  lately I've been impressed that the most important thing I can do for my husband - and the thing that must come before all other endeavors,  is to pray for him. Because we serve a mighty God who wants only to be asked to do mighty works in our lives,  our homes, and our marriages. Sometimes I don't really know how or what to pray for,  but it's comforting to know that I can simply ask my heavenly Father to show me how to pray for my husband.  And that, in and of itself softens my heart both to God and His workings,  as well as to my husband. 

From me (Lindsey Gunther): I agree with this from my friend

Importance of Complete Deference

This article is about a husband feeling commitment when a wife submits.  It is a good reminder to me to submit and defer in front of the children especially.
 
I feel encouragement and give encouragement to not only others but mostly to my husband and let him know and feel commitment when I support to him.  Sometimes it has been hard for me to let my husband know and feel commitment and has been hard for me to defer.  But when I submit, that is when he is most encouraged.  It is rightly so for anyone to interpret this kind of support as commitment.  Feeling commitment is so important in the heart of a husband, which would result in the husband’s heart completely trusting in his wife, a description of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 and wise goal of any modern day woman.  If our husband’s hearts completely trust in us, a result of our commitment, what results is mutual teamwork that makes for a marriage of value and quality, what our society needs desperately. 

Anything Helpful

I really appreciate this perspective.  It is good to keep busy, busy helping your man, your children... with doing anything that is helpful to them... dishes, being patient with their interruptions and loving toward them... reading books to them, building Legos with them...

          
 
            Sometimes it is good to keep busy.  If I feel so overwhelmed with all the stuff to accomplish that by my response to it, others are burdened, I need to change my perspective.

            Having my daughter and knowing children like songs, I looked up on you-tube some old fun children’s songs from “Salty the Singing Songbook” whose music I used to listen to as a child.  There was a song I came across that I remembered and that I really liked the tune to.  The lyrics are really nice as well and are a good source to support the message in this entry.  The song is “How I Want to Be, Lord, Just Like You.”  A couple phrases of the lyrics are “How I Want to be, Lord, just like You… And all the good things that I want to do” and “when You give You peace and You share Your joy, and You show Your love, oh Lord, how I want to be like You.”

            If I change my perspective from thinking all the stuff I have to do is a burden, burdening others with a stressful attitude, to thinking of them as good things I’m doing to help me be like Jesus, I will look forward to each task with a smile.  I will know that by it, I am “singing” to Jesus, how I want to be like Him, and sometimes I really have sung it when I do my work. 

            Other times, it’s not good to be busy, and those times are being with family and on the day of rest.  But those are good things to do, too.

Eliminating Spreading Yourself Too Thin

I wrote this some time ago, an entry called "Making the house more livable."  I read it, and realized I was just this morning going through emails and deleting and unsubscribing.  It just eliminates distractions and eliminates spreading myself too thin.  Really true!

            I really feel that if I make my house more livable, the things I want to accomplish for my man, I will be able to accomplish more easily.  If I can accomplish them more easily, I can accomplish them more quickly and with just about zero frustration!  So, over two weeks ago, I began the mission.  I had a tentative goal by the end of that week to make our house more livable—the places for the items I use in the kitchen to be in places so that when they are needed, they can be grabbed easily.  I moved items around in the cupboard in the bathroom, so that the items used daily there are more accessible.  I organized the clothes in our closet so that locating what should be worn on a day is not frustrating!  I organized our diaper changing station, clearing the clutter out of that zone.

            By the end of last week, things were more organized (the house was more livable).  I wanted to post this a time ago but didn’t feel it (or me!) was ready!  A spot that is supposed to be normally very useful was not because of clutter.  Well, I have since, moved these items into a bag, and I plan to go through them and organize.

I am happy to make the house more livable because I see that it is staying within God’s favor.  God says in His Word in Ephesians 5:16 to redeem the time and that can be done easily when the house is more organized.  I feel that clearing out the clutter of what could slow me down is dedicating my house and life to serving my family.  I have thrown recently, a project that I began before I was married, a project which would take an extreme amount of dedication, and I am planning to give the time I had for the project to serving my family instead!  I hope that you are encouraged to dedicate more of yourself to your man! 

Reminder Not to be Prideful

The following is the blog entry I wrote a little over 3 years ago.  I had called it "Empowerment."
 
My husband and I just had a baby about a month ago.  There seems to be a healthy kind of empowerment that comes to a woman for giving birth.  It has been said by a mother describing it after giving birth: “You feel like you can do anything.”  Then there’s the unhealthy kind of empowerment where a mother will nag the father or go to extremes in telling him what to do, almost being the head of the house.  The “anything” described by the woman above should be good things, godly things…like the empowerment to love the child, and love the husband more than ever.

Something that keeps the unhealthy empowerment from building is the mother’s ability to overlook or ignore what could build pride, such as all the work she did in labor.  When you do something good, it is better to see it as something overlooked, rather than to keep thinking about how wonderful it was what you did.  If you can overlook it, it calms down your pride and is quite freeing from the unhealthy type of empowerment.

A mother after giving birth who can still think of others beyond herself is a valuable lady.  It is quite unselfish of her to think of her husband, who didn’t do the birth labor and who didn’t have the amazing experience from pregnancy to birth in a day or however long the labor is.  It is easy to overlook all others when pride could sneak in after a great accomplishment.  But something that could help you in your relationship with your husband in such a situation is to imagine switching the roles for a minute but in a different situation that can be used to understand.  You have a normal week.  You do the things you normally do on each day.  Your husband has a normal week, too.  He has been busy…but one of those days, he has a chance to go to the gym after work or spend time on your family’s exercise machine for a good hour.  He is so proud of his worked up muscles and wants you to say something about it.  How it is for a husband after the wife goes through labor is the normal week as far as she went through the labor, but he didn’t.  You can put yourself in your husband’s shoes about your labor experiences.  Do not expect him to almost “put you on a pedestal” for your amazing work… and you can keep from expecting it by realizing it’s easy to overlook.  Realize that the pride and what could lead to negative empowerment could be overlooked if you just think about others.  

And my update:

This concept has taken us well over the just over three years.  The baby who was born then is going to be four (wow) this July.  I've thought over the concept, trying not to be prideful in the labor I've done.  If I can not be prideful, life does so well for me.  And just reminding myself that my husband will always remember the cheerful person that I was before I became his wife, before I gave birth.  (It's not obsolete.  I like to show that part of myself to him...)  

Helping Your Husband By Being Positive

I am "updating" my entry titled "What a Husband Needs Help With."  Here's the original post on the matter.

There are many things a husband needs a wife for, needs help with.  The most important reason and goal behind doing all these things that a wife should have as a motive is thinking about him.  A husband needs a wife to keep his house clean, cook his meals well, keep a budget, and take care of his health.  Keeping a house clean is easy when I use the guide I placed on the fridge next to the menu planner.  I feel I can accomplish what needs to be accomplished at a manageable, non-overbearing pace.  I have wanted to cook better lately, and I know whatever it takes to gather recipes and record the needed items on a grocery shopping list can be done.  Before I was married, I had educational training from a couple different sources on budgeting.  I have desired for a while in our marriage to put the teaching into practice.  Slowly, some things are coming together which are allowing me to come along beside him in this way.  While it is in the process of coming together, I have a handy file folder where I have designated a place for receipts gathered after items are purchased for the current month.  Taking care of my husband’s health is a joy, as I feel it is one of the top ways to love him, wanting him to live a good, long life.


Update: 
Wow, I really don't know why I didn't "tie in" more spiritually on this topic.  No matter what I was thinking when I wrote that post, I do now think that joy and positivity is what a husband needs help with, or rather better said "How a wife can help her husband most."  Things have changed quite a bit in our marriage since I wrote that entry.  I am not saying any kind of change like from good to bad or bad to good, only changed.  What has changed is I have not lived up 100% to being a perfect housekeeper, cook, financial manager.  I have observed my husband's response to the shortcoming that he is quite gracious.
So true, and so true: a husband appreciates it most when his wife is positive.  I know it is possible to be a bad cook and still be positive, not good with keeping track of finances and still be positive, not good with keeping a clean house and still be positive.  It is much easier to slip and be negative in my words than to slip and be a bad cook, bad housekeeper, bad financial manager.  It is okay to feel badly for not being a good cook, good housekeeper, and a good financial manager.  I really don't have to feel so bad about if I can't keep up to being a great cook, housekeeper, etc., on a day.  But seriously and sincerely it is much better to feel badly for not being joyful and not being positive.   

Great Reminder

A post I published from a few years ago is titled "Submission and Comfort," and it is pasted below.

"When a wife submits to her husband, there is a peace that comes. I was sitting on the front right of a vehicle with a good friend one time, parked in her driveway, about to go shopping. This was before I was married, and I look back and see how truly peaceful this experience was. She rolled down her window (she was on the driver’s side), and her husband talked to her. He was being firm, but kind and loving and telling her that she should be careful on some specific road or intersection. She responded so kindly and sweetly and gratefully to him that I felt a comforting peace. That submission that I had seen I had really liked, and I want to imitate that for my marriage so that those observing can be peaceful and blessed. During the week that I was considering this topic for an entry and as the example of this couple was 'floating around' in my mind to use to explain the peace from comfort and submission, I was about to head out the front door of my husband’s and my house. It was neat to practice the submission after he told me to be careful and drive safely, simply those words. I told him gratefully that I would, and we parted company in peace, me beginning to wonder who else in our future could see this example now practiced and feel peace, comfort, safety, and blessing. :)"

Here is my new entry on the matter: 

This is a good reminder to me as I read the above entry.  How I need to soak up the message and keep reminding myself of it and live it out!  How much peace, how much peace... and I actually have not lost the submission (and others have not lost the resulting peace) completely... gratefully when I have not thoroughly and peacefully and obediently and successfully submitted, I have received forgiveness and God has given grace to those around, and God has restored.  Praise His Healing Name.

 

The Better Gain

The entry from several years ago I will re-write; it is titled "priorities":

I have been trying lately to stay steady with my wifely duty routines following the chores I had written on the chart which I mentioned in the entry “Making Wifely Duties a Routine Habit.”  And I was able to add one thing to a day on my weekly chart this last week.  It was a simple thing.  But the idea of this chore addition was the turning point for realizing that I need to set priorities.  As I thought about it and realized that the absence of this chore is more availing of the time I have, priorities have called that I consider referring to the chart as only a “guide” for now, reading the list with a “grain of salt.”  I am not so bothered if this chore is not a priority.  I felt other things needed me more this week than to bother with the pettiness of doing what I felt I had been compelled to do before.  Cutting out a toilsome obligation has given me a sense of single-mindedness toward what ultimately leads to peace.  This has redeemed so much time, and I have been able to get ideas accomplished more rapidly.  Keeping priorities ahead of me keeps me pressing on toward the peace that I get from having such flexibility.  I may be able to keep up with that chore I added last week for other weeks, but right now, it is not a priority, and other things are calling.

 The re-write.
I notice I wrote about peace and flexibility.  This I realize now is not so important in the physical realm about chores and habits.  It is more important I realize now in the relationship in my marriage with my husband.  I read a book a long time ago about Dreams.  I cannot remember the name of the book or the author, but I do remember the message of the book.  The message was that sometimes a person will have a dream or desire, and God will answer it in a way we do not expect, but He will answer it and give you what you ask, just in a different, surprising way.  The desire of my heart in the first "Priorities" entry was to know and learn flexibility and peace.  At the time I wrote them, I felt I could achieve these through have certain consistent chores and habits.  The best types of peace I know now is through the peace God gives.  I can't control God.  I can't make the peace come my own way.  I realize that through God's way and plan, his commands, I can have peace in my life.  It is simple, not through stressful goals to achieve consistent habits.  No, God looks on the heart.  Do I have a peaceful heart?  Do you?  Your and my heart is revealed through our mouth.  Panic and stress ruled my days a few years ago and most the time my mind, when I didn't talk much, thinking, "I gotta do this... I gotta do that..." Talking kindly to my husband and children and others shows the better heart than a stressed heart from thoughts of having to do lots of things.  Relationships are the most important thing, and if I cannot speak kindly to my husband and children, there is no point, no gain in doing lots of things in a stressful way.  The better gain is kindness out of my mouth. 

Appreciating Trust

On Tuesday, April 12, 2016, I wrote a short entry saying I had been busy since July the year before and had not blogged from about August 2015 to April 2016.  I had said I was going to re-write entries I had written from the beginning of the blog in order to record my latest perspective on the topics.

Here is the entry I am "re-writing":

                 I’ve been thinking lately about the benefits of trusting and submitting to my husband.  A couple weeks ago, I watched a bit of a video in which there was a challenge for men to convince their wives to buy some plain chairs in a furniture store.  The challenge was all set up.  The men knew about it, and the wives did not know.  The men were to just bring their wives into the furniture store, and if they could convince their wives to let them buy these plain chairs, both would win game tickets.  The wives did not know they were being video-taped.  The video showed several different couples at different times, with the same chair display, same set up in the furniture store.  All husbands knew the prize if they could convince their wives to let them buy the chairs—all they had to do was get a response of agreement from their wives.  All men tried.  Some wives were not budging with their negative answers.  Some wives seemed to just look at their husbands in disgust like they couldn’t believe their husbands would want the plain chairs.  Most wives questioned their husband’s judgment. 

But then, for one couple, the husband talked about the chairs as the other men had, and then he asked her to trust him.  She looked at him and said, “Yes.”  That was all that the men running the candid cameras needed to hear, and they made known that the couple should look under the chair seats and find ball game tickets.  It was pretty neat to watch the submissive wife and the winning man get their prize.

            I think if I trust my husband’s judgment, there are blessings and benefits that I don’t even realize before I decide to submit, that will come.

Here's my re-write: 

I still agree with this perspective.  Yes, trusting my husband is very important.  So many benefits and blessings are on the "edge" - ready to bloom - waiting for that "Yes" (I trust you.)  I am glad I am re-reading these entries from a few years ago because as I grow as a person and as a person apart of a marriage, I look back and see the old posts freshly and appreciate the heart of the messages behind them.