Joyful Abandon ~ Guest Entry

Recently I had a series of conversations with my husband that have changed the way I operate in and view my relationship with him.  Since way before I ever met my man, I desperately wanted to be a godly and submissive wife. I read about it, thought about it, dreamed about it. And I thought I had it pretty well figured out. It might not always be easy, but at least it would be simple - or so I thought. Enter the man of my dreams, and undeniable guidance from the Father that this was, indeed, the man He had chosen for me. A year of long distance dating, a year of engagement, and now, four and a half years of marriage, and it finally dawns on me. I have been so caught up in my own views and vision of a godly and submissive wife, that I have been totally missing the mark. I wanted to be a wife that built up her home and her husband, but I have been inadvertently tearing it down. I thought I knew what God wanted from me as a wife, and so along the way of my relationship with my man, since we started dating, up till now, he would make comments and suggestions - requests and advice but I would tune them out or dismiss them because they didn't fit into my picture of the godly wife. And yet, time and time again, I would fall flat on my face in my efforts to be this perfect woman. Some times I felt like I had it all together, then frustration would build, and I would fail again. I knew I just needed to be more surrendered to God, more selfless, have more of a servant's heart. Which was true. But what I did not see until just recently, is that I needed to be less prideful. I needed humility to confess that I don't know it all, and take the advice that my husband has been trying to give me all along, the suggestions that I was so sure were not how a submissive wife would act. But all along, had I actually humbled myself and followed his advice, I would have found the "door of escape" God had been trying to provide me all along. I could have been the wife that my husband wanted and needed, instead of the girl who was so stuck in her own ways and so sure of her own spiritual insight.