Ending my Blog

This short blog entry is the last.  I am ending my blog, and if you want to know the how's and why's, please send a message to: lindseygunther@live.com

Happiness is Your Antidepressant

This is an entry to relate to all... married or not.  If I would have written this years ago, it would have been helpful to me, but I start where I am and at least I know it now!

Okay, I've been depressed in the past... I've been really depressed... as a teenager... and after... I don't want to go there to tell details.  I leave that in the past... God forgives and wants me to forgive.  God loves me so much, and I love Him so much.  I move on... But at the same time, I know I have been depressed, and I offer hope for others in this entry at the same time I remind myself and renew my strength.

Before I tell a real helpful "formula," for happiness that I know is a good option, I will say how I have heard that "Happiness is a moral obligation."  How happiness is an obligation and relating to God and morals is that happiness affects those around you.  The Scripture I think to support the statement of happiness being a moral obligation seems best to be the one of the golden rule.  "Whatever you would that men should do to you, do so likewise."  There are others, too, like "Set your mind on things above, not on things of the earth."  Among what is "things above" is joyfulness.

Here is a real helpful formula for "taking this 'antidepressant'" called "Happiness.'"

Something that makes me joyful and happy is doing or planning something lovely for someone else - a gift, a meal, doing something for someone I know they appreciate.  It has been a great challenge for me to be patient.  Maybe for you, too?  Patience is necessary to accompany ANY desire, and we all have desires.  A fulfillment of a desire for me leads to happiness.  It is a joyful thing when something happens I've desired and waited for.  How does one keep from becoming depressed during the "waiting stage"?  You keep busy with something else.  You keep distracted, but with good things, doing other good things for others you can do right away that requires no waiting time, and there is usually ALWAYS a good way to spend EVERY second of your 24-hour days.  This is for even if the fulfillment of your desire is nothing you do, but solely the effort of someone else's.  "Try" my "Antidepressant" to get happiness.  Let me know how it works, or if you have another option for how to "take it"?

I will end my entry by saying a little recent true story between me and my husband.  He knows that "happiness is a moral obligation"; in fact, I heard it from him.  He and I are not at home right now.  We have a child in the hospital and don't have the conveniences of everything at home.  Before a day trip he was taking back to go to our house, I mentioned I'd like my flat iron for my hair.  He had a lot on his plate to think about... and I told him, knowing that having my flat iron with me would help lift my spirits, I reminded him in a friendly way, "Happiness is a moral obligation," and added with a smile, "It would make me happy to have my flat iron."  He took the time to laugh really, REALLY hard, and we laughed together.  He said he would do it to serve his wife.  It was a joyful time laughing together.

Continued Peace Through Trusting My Husband

How sad it was when someone was rude to me today.  She was a worker at a store behind the customer service desk.  She was having a hard day.  It's sad 'cause I know this world is full of people who have pain.  I am sad from being in the world and being aware through observation of people's pain.  What is a positive challenge for me, though, is to release that I am responsible for the other person's bad day or that I have to repair it or that I cannot grow in character and use the circumstance as a "rebounding board" to find something good out of it for my life or my family.  Since I truly am not responsible for her attitude, I can let myself use the opportunity to draw closer to my husband and in Godly character.  God blesses those who mourn (over the sadness from sin in this world) and God Himself truly does comfort.  "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

My husband and I divided up the jobs at the store, each taking a shopping buggy and each taking a child.  I headed to the customer service desk to make three returns.  The lady refused to make the transaction and get me a refund and said it all in a very dominating way.  I found my husband and told him the results of my efforts.  I told him what I thought of the lady, and he responded with a harsher description of her.  I also told my husband how she wouldn't let me return one of the items today simply because the others needed more information with them.  That did not make any sense.  She definitely was being difficult.  My dear husband explained more to me of the purchase of one of the items I was trying to return.  He told me he had purchased it online and right there with his phone brought up the email notification of purchase and told me to go back and tell the lady it was an online purchase.

So back I went with more boldness and confidence and stood in line.  God gives boldness to those who do right.  I did right when I listened to and depended on my husband.  "The wicked have fled and there is no pursuer. And the righteous as a young lion is confident." Proverbs 28:1

It was my turn, and the woman had her difficult attitude still of course.  I talked to her, told her the item was an online purchase.  She asked for the confirmation purchase number, and I read it.  She explained something about having to contact the online part of the store for a return since it was an online purchase after she tried the confirmation purchase number, and it was not letting her make the return.  That was understandable, but with the item she wasn't letting me return today simply because "I should do it all together when I'm ready to return the others," didn't make sense.  I told her about the item returning it without a receipt, "I have returned these before without a receipt, and I just had to go into the store and find the same one so the clerk could use it to find the item number."  By then, my husband surprised me and showed up next to the counter!  I am so glad he was there... the clerk lady had gotten a worker higher in authority involved who was teaching the first clerk about the situation for returning the item.

For whatever reason (it didn't matter the reason to me; I trusted my husband), my husband said to me in front of the two clerks, "Just return it another time."  I could have let the rude clerk's attitude knock me off my balanced peacefulness, but I stayed peaceful, seeing my husband's words as an opportunity to escape and let that rude lady be dealt with by the clerk higher in authority.  As we walked away, my husband, who was there to observe this time (praise God for a witness and support!), acknowledged that she was rude.  I am glad that I listened to my husband, submitting to him right in front of the two clerks, not trying to make them do what was right, and let God take vengeance.  I maintained my peace this way.

How can you be encouraged by this?  1) Be open to your husband by telling him your situations. 2) Be ready to listen to him. (Men like to help solve problems.) 3) Do just as your husband says and reap continued peace in your spirit.

Surrounded by Witnesses

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Hebrews 12:1

Being surrounded by witnesses is an encouraging thing to those who are doing right.  My most ever-present witnesses are my two blessings from God, my two daughters.

When a wife has a wish/idea/concern about anything, she needs to communicate it to her husband!  The wife can speak her wish/idea/concern, but the husband gets the final say on anything for the simple reason only because a decision has to be come to, and God selected the MAN, the husband, to be the head and decide.  It is not a power issue; it is God's way.  My husband and I discussed this quite a while ago in our earlier years of marriage, and because of wicked desires in my own heart for power, I was "blind," or had forgotten that discussion.

So I do in all actuality have a wish/concern, and I have been concerned for a while, and this quiet morning as I was thinking about it, I know today I should present the idea/concern.

This need that has to happen (communication) could cause fear.  Anything one plans could have a bit of fear.  Really, truly truly and honestly, one only truly does need fear or need to have fear if what they are doing is evil.  (A man planning to kill or rob needs to have fear while doing it, 'cause it's evil, and he fears being found out.)  Encouragement that takes fears away in wives when communicating to her spouse is the witnesses of her children. 

Knowing my children are watching and loving them and being grateful for their witness, I can in boldness do what is right without fear.  I can present my idea/concern/wish to my husband.  Being aware of witnesses, I can continue in doing what is right, and I can respond well, being aware of the witnesses and keep on with patience, waiting for him while he makes the decision.

Understanding Unconditional Respect

     I am so excited about this revelation of discovery for wives; I have to share.  By using the word revelation, I do not mean to say I am a prophet.  Time and choices tell what I, as well as you and all wives, will do with this information I have felt has been revealed. 

     I was reading in the book Love and Respect because of the book study I am attending.  I read how wives have a hard time understanding unconditional respect, yet, we wives understand unconditional love.

     Here’s the revelation, if we wives can understand unconditional love, we can understand unconditional respect.  Any person can choose to show unconditional respect to any other person.          

     That is just as any person can choose to show unconditional love to any other person.  Think of showing unconditional respect to a given random person who comes to mind, and show that same unconditional respect to your husband. 

     Based on the simple application given on page 43 in the book Love and Respect, a wife can show respect to her husband by responding with a pleasant facial expression and tone when he is not the man she wants him to be.  Unconditional respect was hard for me to understand until I thought on applying it to others outside my family, where there is many people who I don’t think are the people they should be.  I respect them to avoid embarrassing myself.  Then I bring it back into my family and apply it to my husband. 

An Approach For Contentment

When wives think they have to own a lot of things to be happy or do other things, they might be trying to fulfill their deepest longings.  What a wife really is searching for to be content, joyful, and peaceful is to fulfill that she is pleasing to her husband and respects him.  A few weeks ago, I was thinking how I have so much stuff I need to accomplish.  I began to think on 1 Timothy 6:8 which says "With food and raiment, let us therewith be content."  The Bible helps all relationships, mostly each individual person's relationship with God.  I was wondering how it might help a wife in a marriage relationship, wanting to please her husband.  Eventually it would be good to get done the things on my to-do list, but I can rest in contentment with food and clothes first... if you're ever discouraged with a load of care in a to-do list in a day, take a couple peaceful restful deep breathes and let them out then concentrate on the laundry and food preparation or dishes.  Those priorities would be complete, you can be content at that moment, and consider how you might love and respect your husband.  Plan on giving him a back massage at the end of his work day.  :) 

Joyful Abandon ~ Guest Entry

Recently I had a series of conversations with my husband that have changed the way I operate in and view my relationship with him.  Since way before I ever met my man, I desperately wanted to be a godly and submissive wife. I read about it, thought about it, dreamed about it. And I thought I had it pretty well figured out. It might not always be easy, but at least it would be simple - or so I thought. Enter the man of my dreams, and undeniable guidance from the Father that this was, indeed, the man He had chosen for me. A year of long distance dating, a year of engagement, and now, four and a half years of marriage, and it finally dawns on me. I have been so caught up in my own views and vision of a godly and submissive wife, that I have been totally missing the mark. I wanted to be a wife that built up her home and her husband, but I have been inadvertently tearing it down. I thought I knew what God wanted from me as a wife, and so along the way of my relationship with my man, since we started dating, up till now, he would make comments and suggestions - requests and advice but I would tune them out or dismiss them because they didn't fit into my picture of the godly wife. And yet, time and time again, I would fall flat on my face in my efforts to be this perfect woman. Some times I felt like I had it all together, then frustration would build, and I would fail again. I knew I just needed to be more surrendered to God, more selfless, have more of a servant's heart. Which was true. But what I did not see until just recently, is that I needed to be less prideful. I needed humility to confess that I don't know it all, and take the advice that my husband has been trying to give me all along, the suggestions that I was so sure were not how a submissive wife would act. But all along, had I actually humbled myself and followed his advice, I would have found the "door of escape" God had been trying to provide me all along. I could have been the wife that my husband wanted and needed, instead of the girl who was so stuck in her own ways and so sure of her own spiritual insight.

Communication

I've learned something about communication I want to pass onto you.  My heart's been convicted that I should keep my words few.  The Bible says to do that.  I got that from Ecclesiastes 5:2, which says, "Cause not thy mouth to hasten, and let not thy heart hasten to bring out a word before God, for God is in the heavens, and thou on the earth, therefore let thy words be few."  For four days in a row last week, I made a point to keep my words few, and after each day, and throughout the day, I have felt peace in my spirit.  I have not felt peace in my spirit when I talk too much.  When I have talked too much, I have said things that are unnecessary, not helpful, annoying, and bring difficulties to those listening.  I know that in my communications with my husband, I can maintain peace by applying what God has said in His Word.  A few days ago, for a few moments, I almost lost the peace when I wanted to say some things to my husband during a conversation.  Being still and quiet, I soon learned I can back up and can keep the peace in my spirit by realizing that there is quite a falseness that peace can be maintained as long as I am understood.  I approached my husband to talk to him about something.  Part way through the conversation, I felt not understood, but when I thought before I talked, and thought and realized, asking myself, "Do I need to be understood in this area?"  "Is it important?"  It was not, I realized.  My husband made a few comments that by me listening to them, were sufficient to adding to the conversation, and I could accept and not force my view.  And it ended up being peaceful.  This is a way of maintaining peace in your spirit - by obeying God's Word in Ecclesiastes 5:2. 

My Husband's Desires and My Desires

Something on my mind lately is about my desires and my husband's desires.  My desires are to please my husband.  My husband desires to please me as well.  This is a simple truth, and it is a normal, built-in truth spouses have for just being in the state of being married.

I do have personal desires that have to do with improving myself.  They are desires I believe God has given to me.  I believe God gave them to me because He wants me to improve myself.  I've wanted to be single-minded in my life.  A question, desiring answering to clear up confusion could be: "How can I be single-minded and fulfill my desires and my husband's desires both?

I  believe it is possible to do both and still be single-minded.  My deep, singled-focused desires are to obey the Lord by obeying my husband.  God can still fulfill the desires He gave me to be the person I want to be.  My husband knows that I can function better to serve God by obeying him if I am happy and content as the person God wants me to be. 

It seemed hard at first, wondering how the two blend together, my desires and my husband's desires, and being single-minded, but my husband is not unreasonable. 

Encouraging Myself While Encouraging my Husband

I have written a letter of appreciation to my husband.  I plan to read it to him.  Because it encouraged me just to write it, I wanted to pass it on to you what I did.  If you choose to do the same, it just might encourage you, too.  The author of the book Love and Respect uses the the acronym C.H.A.I.R.S. for six of the chapters.  Each letter is for a different thing husband like to be respected for, he says.  I used the acronym from the book as a guide in writing. 

If you're interested in doing the same and being encouraged by writing a letter to your husband, look up the book Love and Respect on amazon and "Look Inside!" at the contents of the book.  Here's a link to that.
Names of six chapters from contents of book Love and Respect

Here's an example of the first thing a husband likes to be respected for that I wrote in the letter to my husband, and you are welcome to follow the guide the way I did.  I wrote, "You have a desire to work and achieve.  Your desires have come to completion because you do work and achieve.  And God has honored you, because it's not just any work, and it is beneficial achievement." 

And then I went on to say what his work is, which explains in and of itself why it is beneficial achievement.  I made almost the same opening statements per point.  I am excited to read it to him.

I hope you do write the letter.  It was a great encouragement to me this morning as I sat and wrote it. 

Would God bless a servant's attitude or your self-centered attitude?

Tonight my husband and I were getting ready to go somewhere.  It was half hour before we had to leave the house in order to be on time to our destination according to the time I committed over the phone we'd arrive.  I looked at the situation I thought logically at the half-hour-before-time-to-leave mark.  I had many things to do!  Girls changed and ready, diaper bag packed, myself ready, hair fixed.  It seemed that my husband had less to do than I did to get ready!  As I was changing one of the girls in the bedroom and I knew my husband was on the computer in the other room, I thought of going out there and asking him to help.  I was nervous I would not get done everything in that half hour.  But, I chose to use the few extra minutes to keep working instead of those minutes it would have slowed me down to ask my husband for help.  Praise the Lord.  I am glad I did, because as I was continuing to get the girls ready, I knew those few minutes I had a choice of how to use was actually a choice between "a few minutes of asking-borderline complaining"... or ... "more diligent, silent effort toward the door."  I am glad I continued getting the girls ready 'cause as I was, I overheard my husband in the other room at the computer mentioning that he shared on a social network a useful, encouraging video.  I realized my selfish-centered-ness could have prevented several from being encouraged, because it was just moments after I chose to press on with diligence alone that I found out my husband probably would have been distracted and unable to be a blessing to others had I interrupted with my pity-party.  I am glad to serve a man who wants to/loves to... serve and encourage others.  So when you feel like comparing yourself with/complaining to your husband, check your attitude and think with a deeper perspective.  Would God bless a servant's attitude?  or your self-centered attitude?  Which display would He favor and bless?

A wife who encourages me.

There is a wife who is an encouragement to me.  She is very organized.  She's got what she needs in her kitchen labeled and keeps what she needs for favorite recipes, which she keeps in a box nearby.  She's got a fridge that is organized.  Things are easy to find.  She's got her mixing bowls all in one section of her kitchen, and all her storage bowls in another section.  She's got measuring spoons and cups together, and similar baking ingredients together.  She's got labeled ingredients in her pantry.  She's got her spices in an easy slide-out container that she can use to easily find what she needs.  She is a good cook.  She is diligent to utilize what she has.  I want to be like her, my mom.